Be kind to young stepdaughter

Dear Annie: I have raised my stepdaughter, “Candace,” for the past 10 years. Her mother passed away when she was very young, and I have tried to be a friend ever since, standing up for her, bending over backward to be good to her.

Two years ago, my husband and I almost separated because Candace decided she wanted to move out and live with a friend. She told her father it was because of me. She knew he would side with her and tell me to leave, and that was the card she played.

Fortunately, we are still together, but I am still hurt by what she did that night. I have always tried my best, only to get stabbed in the back or slapped in the face. I want to tell Candace that I have done nothing but care for her and she has only hurt me in return. She is selfish and only wants what works in her interests. Should I speak to her about how I feel, or is it a waste of breath? – Hurt and Saddened

Dear Hurt: It is not unusual for teenagers and young adults to rebel against their parents, and in your case, Candace had the powerful ammunition of being a stepchild. Please do not rise to the bait and make her believe she still has the ability to destroy your marriage. If you need to vent, talk to your clergyperson or a counselor. Meanwhile, continue to be as kind to Candace as you can manage, and hope she eventually grows up.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Hurting,” whose husband revealed that he is a cross-dresser. When my husband and I were dating, he found the courage to tell me he enjoyed putting on women’s clothing.

My therapist suggested I ask him why he enjoyed this. My husband and I talked for a long time, and it really helped me understand. He doesn’t want to look pretty. He just likes the feel of the soft, silky clothes. He now dresses up only occasionally.

“Hurting” should talk to her husband and find out why he dresses up. That made all the difference because I realized it had nothing to do with his feelings for me. – Talking Helps in Iowa