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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Rebuild trust to save marriage

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: Last week, I found provocative pictures on my husband’s digital camera of his female co-worker in a hotel room, wearing skimpy lingerie and one of his ties. My husband was not in any of the pictures.

This woman is half his age. He claims he lent her the camera and his tie so she could take pictures for her boyfriend. I also found soft porn in his computer’s history. My husband was recently diagnosed with low testosterone, for which he is taking medication, and claims he couldn’t do anything even if he wanted to.

I am sick to my stomach about this and don’t want to be a fool for believing such a story.

We have young children. My husband refuses to leave the house, so we now live like roommates and have stopped communicating completely. I can’t continue like this. Please help. – Crushed Wife

Dear Crushed: First determine whether your marriage can be saved. To do it, you’d have to rebuild your trust in your husband, and he would have to be completely honest and transparent with you. In order to find out if you can reach that point, get counseling and insist your husband come with you as a sign that he is serious about your marriage. Do this for your children’s sake.

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Not Family Yet,” whose fiance’s “Grandpa Joe” had molested the children. She asked if she should speak up.

My stepfather molested me as a child. He had three daughters from a prior marriage, but they never said a word. When I was a teenager, I told my mother about the abuse. She promptly divorced him and I received therapy. Had one person spoken up earlier, I could have been spared. I pressed charges, and although it was a bitter fight that I did not win in court, I did open the public’s eyes to this man.

Please tell anyone who has been abused to report it immediately. You may be the one to save someone else. – Stop the Abuse Now

E-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net.