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Tell husband he’s needed at home

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I have been married to “Sam” for 25 years, and we have three beautiful daughters. Sam works three hours away. When he comes home, I make sure to have supper on the table, laundry completed, house spotless, grass mowed and any repairs fixed.

The problem is my mother-in-law. When Sam comes home, she calls and complains that she has to do everything by herself, and he always goes to help her. She says, “He was my son before he was your husband. He should be here for me.” If I protest about her monopolizing his time, she tells Sam that I said awful things to her.

Sam has three brothers within walking distance who do very little for her. I have never felt a part of my husband’s family. My mother-in-law never calls to see how we are, and when I call her, she is never home. She is either out with her other sons or visiting one of her siblings.

My mother-in-law is younger and in better health than my parents, yet my folks manage to attend every event for every one of their grandchildren. My mother-in-law only goes to functions for her other grandchildren, not ours. How can I get over this jealousy and enjoy the little time I have with my husband? – Not All in the Family

Dear Not: Your husband is the one who decides how much time he devotes to his mother, so say nothing about Mom. Instead, explain how much all of you miss him and ask for more time together as a family. Most likely, he sees how efficient you are and doesn’t realize how much you need him. He also seems to have an automatic guilt response to his mother. If there is any way you can overcome your resentment and make friends with the woman, everyone will come out ahead.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast .net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. Visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at
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