The Slice: Libras might find 2010 unpleasant

Welcome to a holiday week edition of The Slice Horoscope, the only zodiac column written by someone who remembers the Spokane Chronicle.

Aries: Something unexpected is going to happen to your pants today.

Taurus: You’ll finally get what’s coming to you.

Gemini: Your keys are in the tan jacket.

Cancer: An exotic stranger finds you annoying.

Leo: If you want to sing out, sing out.

Virgo: You can’t handle denial.

Libra: Yes, you are due for a colonoscopy in 2010.

Scorpio: You have four secret admirers.

Sagittarius: This would be the day to speak up.

Capricorn: The Spokane area wouldn’t be the same without you.

Aquarius: Harmony and understanding.

Pisces: Some people can call strangers “Honey.” You aren’t one of those people.

Spartacus: Your hair has never looked lovelier.

Leviticus: Do not gamble today.

Nougat: Try not to be yourself.

Succotash: Make sure your phone is on.

Family phrases: Long ago, Curt Stone had a co-worker who used to say “It’s invenereal to me,” as a way of indicating that he didn’t care one way or the other.

“Because I’m not too bright, I started saying ‘It’s invenereal,’ too,” wrote Stone.

His oldest daughter picked that up. One day in school her teacher asked about her preference on something and, well, you can guess.

“I still hear about that incident once or twice a year,” said Stone.

Today’s Slice question: How often, when meeting someone with a Russian first name, do you find yourself thinking of a Cold War athlete from the U.S.S.R.?