Laid off and angry, woman trashes ex-employer

Dear Harriette: A friend lost her job and is really upset about it, so upset that she keeps talking about her former boss in a horrible way. She’s mad, but I’m concerned that bad-mouthing her former employer will only make it harder for her to find another job. No one wants to hear so much negativity. How can I get her to quiet down? — Nesta, Brooklyn, N.Y.

Dear Nesta: Your friend’s behavior is natural, even though it could be dangerous for her future. Today, employers are looking for someone who is extremely talented, focused and positive in the midst of hardship. For those businesses looking to thrive in this tough economy, they don’t have the luxury of catering to potential new employees with tender feelings. It’s likely that they already have existing staff members who are going through their own emotional twists and turns, owing to the changing workplace.

Invite your friend to complain privately as she works through her pain. Suggest that she get counseling if she’s unable to move beyond the hurt. Tell her that you worry she could easily kill her chances at new employment if she keeps poisoning the environment around her with complaints about her former employer.

Dear Harriette: My good friend travels a lot for work. She came home from a trip recently and showed me her suitcase as she was emptying it. I was shocked to see she had taken all of the bathroom soaps from her room, along with the robe, some dishes and other stuff. I think it’s OK to take the soap, but it seemed tacky to take the other items. She has kids. I hate that she’s bragging about what, in my book, amounts to stealing. What do you think? — Eva, Memphis, Tenn.

Dear Eva: Your friend probably isn’t thinking about what her actions are saying to her children. If you’re up for it, attempt to tell her, without judgment. You could start by asking why she took all the soap. There’s only so much soap that she needs. Most hotels provide complimentary soap, so there will be more at the next hotel she visits. She doesn’t have to bring it home.

You can also let her know that, in many cases, people are charged for taking robes, slippers, dishes and such. Automatic deductions are put on the visitor’s credit card after the missing items have been identified, which means either she’s paying for them without knowing or her company is being charged. That could create a significant conflict of interest for her down the line. Finally, ask her how she would feel if her kids started lifting items when they visit friends. That’s what she has to look forward to if she doesn’t curb her sticky fingers.