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Monday, May 25, 2020  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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Spouse’s attitude hurting marriage

By Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I manage a very small office. Last year, I became involved with my employer and got pregnant. Fortunately, we grew to love each other and our child, and we are now married. Despite our rocky start, we are quite happy.

The problem is his family. They constantly make comments about our relationship and suggest to him that I became pregnant on purpose to trap him. I am at the end of my rope because of these hurtful remarks. How do I convince my husband that it is his responsibility to defend me? He says to do so would give his family the impression that he has blind faith in me – as if that is a bad thing. Please help. I’m considering divorce over this. – Office Sweetheart

Dear Sweetheart: Apparently, your husband thinks his family could be right, which is why he doesn’t defend you. His lack of emotional support does not speak well for him and is damaging to your marriage. Ask him to go with you for counseling to clear the air and make sure your priorities are on the same page.

Dear Annie: I am very active in a community organization. In the past year, two members unexpectedly announced their resignations via e-mail. I considered them friends. Aside from the sense of betrayal and what their leaving meant to our organization, I resent that we were not given the courtesy of face-to-face communication over the issues that bothered them. One even forbade us to speak again about the issues, and I still occasionally have to see this person. Because of the unexpected nature of the resignations, we are now left to deal with the repercussions, having had no chance to prepare a transition in a key area of our work.

As a 38-year-old, I use texting and e-mail a great deal, but I would never do so for such important communication. Shouldn’t someone give those in charge the courtesy of a notification in person, and the opportunity to have a real discussion over the issues? Such a discussion could not only lead to healing, but also improvement for the organization. I know confrontation is hard for people, but it is the right thing to do. – Frustrated with E-Mail

Dear Frustrated: A letter of resignation, whether via e-mail or dropped on someone’s desk, is acceptable. It is the sudden nature of the resignation that created a problem, and this is not the fault of the technology used. It is unprofessional to leave an organization shorthanded and forbid anyone to discuss your dissatisfaction. Unless there were legitimate personal reasons for such an abrupt departure, your anger should be directed at the person, not the method.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.

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