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Saturday, October 31, 2020  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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Annie’s Mailbox: Bi or gay, hubby unlikely to change

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My husband, “Jonas,” and I own a small antique store that we have successfully operated for five years. We have no kids and have always been very close. However, for the past two months our love life has been a little rocky. Jonas has not shown any interest in sex even though I have given him every opportunity. Of course, we both have two full-time jobs with the antique shop on the side, so there’s not much time for intimacy.

We recently hired extra help at the shop so we’d have more time together. One day last week, I walked in after hours and heard noises coming from the upstairs storage area. When I bravely investigated with a baseball bat, I opened the door and, to my horror, saw my husband and the recently hired stock boy having sex. When Jonas saw me standing there, he had nothing to say.

Annie, I am distraught but still in love with him. Jonas and I went for counseling, but he stopped after two sessions, saying there was no problem. I continued on my own. I have confronted him about the incident, and he says he doesn’t know why he did it. I recently moved into our guest bedroom and have been avoiding Jonas until I can find a way to forgive him. In my wildest dreams, I never would have imagined this. We’ve been married 20 years. Should I stay with him or get a divorce? Could this mean he is homosexual? – Distraught and in Love

Dear Distraught: Yes, Jonas could be homosexual. At the very least, he’s bisexual and his attraction to men is not likely to disappear. Since you don’t know how many extramarital encounters Jonas has had, please get checked for STDs. Then ask him once again to go with you for counseling, and if he refuses, we hope you will keep seeking help. You have some tough decisions ahead.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar are longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. E-mail questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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