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Monday, October 26, 2020  Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883
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Annie’s Mailbox: Online affair major threat to marriage

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to “Craig” for 38 years, and for the past 10, we haven’t had much of a sexual relationship due to his erectile dysfunction and various other marital issues. I have reconnected by phone with a man I was in love with before I met Craig. In fact, we had a serious relationship for three years. We are now having phone sex about once a week.

I love my husband, but have not been sexually attracted to him for a long time. I do, however, fantasize about my former lover. We have no plans to see each other, but I think about him obsessively and may still be in love with him. I can’t afford to see a psychologist to work this problem out. What do you suggest? – Confused and Frustrated

Dear Confused: We know some readers would say, “What’s the harm in phone sex if there’s nothing more?” Here’s the problem: You obsess over this man and believe you may be in love with him. This makes him a major threat to your marriage.

Decide what price you are willing to pay to continue the relationship. If you want to stay with your husband, you must end the phone sex because you risk convincing yourself you should be with the other man. You can find low-cost counseling through your church, the YMCA and Recovery, Inc. (

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Dysfunctional in Utah,” who comes from a family of molesters and whose brother sexually abused their sister. He now has four young granddaughters.

Please tell her not to wait another day to inform her sister-in-law. My former son-in-law’s parents and siblings kept the same dirty little secret about him. After it was too late to protect my grandsons from this animal, it turned out he had made plea agreements for at least two similar offenses. My grandchildren will spend the rest of their lives in counseling trying to get over what these people allowed to happen. – Brokenhearted Grandma

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column.
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