Annie’s Mailbox: Children focused on themselves

Dear Annie: I am blessed with three grown children, all with wonderful children of their own. This sounds ideal, but I can’t talk to them. I’m either boring them with stuff they don’t care about or voicing feelings they don’t want to hear.

A few months ago, I expressed disappointment when I was ignored on what should have been a special day for me. My daughter, the one I get along with best, told me she was only nice to me because of the children and had no interest in hearing that I was hurt. She used to call me twice a week and now it’s twice in four months. The other two are cordial, but I never venture to talk about anything other than how great they are or how big the children are getting.

I never criticized my children and always encouraged whatever they wanted to accomplish. Now they never have time for me. Was I a bad parent all those years without knowing it? If I bring up the issue, I will be accused of being negative and whiny, but it’s difficult to sound happy around them. I have a very supportive husband, a few close friends and many acquaintances who swear I’m the happiest, most generous person they know. I do a lot of volunteer work to get my mind off this because it makes me cry. What’s a mother to do? – Help Needed in Florida

Dear Florida: Your children are only focused on themselves. This is, unfortunately, not uncommon. Parents also can become self-focused and not realize how negative they sound to others. So unburden yourself to a professional. Talk to your clergyperson. Cry and complain all you like to someone who will listen without judging, and you’ll feel better. Then, when you speak to your children, you can be all sweetness and light and perhaps rebuild your relationship. It will be a bit more superficial than you want, but it is the best you’re going to get right now.