You call yourself The Golf Channel, then where’s the minature golf?

These are 23 (more) facts, tried and true, about the widening world of sports television:

1. When he’s at home, I imagine Fox’s Tony Siragusa stands in the corner of the backyard and shouts out stuff his family doesn’t understand.

2. In a lifetime full of miscalculations, I believe I have watched more sports television than the human body was designed to absorb.

3. How can it be The Golf Channel and not include one stinkin’ hour of miniature golf?

4. If they can make flat-screen TVs, wouldn’t you think they could build one into an ironing board?

5. Fox’s Frank Caliendo: Very funny.

5a. I guess if Frank Caliendo were less funny, he’d get his own late-night talk show on ABC.

6. If I hear “Hail to the Redskins” one more time from fellow bar patrons while sitting in an out-of-town bar after the team kicks a field goal, mark my words – I am driving to Redskins Park and ripping that offensive logo right off the building.

7. Barack Obama may be the leader of the free world, but ESPN appears to be the leader of the rest of the world.

8. Who says Hollywood is a tough town? With no prior experience, Michael Strahan got jobs in broadcasting and acting.

9. For the record, I also know a poker broadcaster who has no poker experience.

10. If ESPN covered the Last Supper, you’ve got to figure they would’ve put Judas on the Budweiser Hot Seat.

11. I finally realized why I know the Fox robot – he made the dean’s list my junior year at the University of Maryland.

12. An inadvertent whistle might’ve prevented my second marriage.

(Column intermission: I chose not to pay $54.95 to view the Manny Paquiao-Miguel Cotto fight; rather, I watched the weigh-in the day before, live, for free. Heck, the trainers nearly rumbled, and it didn’t cost me a cent. Inexplicably, there was no coin toss – I think you want to step on the scale first, to put pressure on your opponent – but there were announcers blathering and masses roaring in excess.)

13. If Roger Goodell were commissioner of CBS, David Letterman would just be completing his six-week suspension.

14. Last year, Chris Berman did TV spots for Nutrisystem, this year he’s doing TV spots for Applebee’s. Isn’t this playing both ends against the middle?

15. Jim Gray’s back on TV; boy, there must be 500 channels out there.

16. Memo to Doug Collins: If “points off turnovers” are so important, how come Congress never held a hearing on them?

17. I want a medical study on whether watching excessive erectile dysfunction commercials can actually cause erectile dysfunction.

18. If dental offices put ESPNews on an endless loop, I guess I wouldn’t mind getting a cavity filled.

19. While at CNN, Lou Dobbs said he was urged “to go beyond my role here.” I have been urged to go inside my role here and shut the door behind me.

20. I see that Max Kellerman is doing boxing on HBO. Hasn’t the sport taken enough blows to the head?

20a. Replacing Larry Merchant with Max Kellerman is like replacing a fireplace with a fire hydrant.

21. If you watch CBS’ “The NFL Today” with closed captioning, you see the expression “[UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER]” every seven seconds.

22. Sound-a-likes: The mating of the wildebeest and Gus Johnson’s play-by-play.

23. Frankly, I believe field position is more important in the game of life than in football.

Ask The Slouch

Q. If John Calipari takes Kentucky to the Final Four and has the season essentially erased due to NCAA sanctions, it would be the third school at which he will have done that. Is that record more unbreakable than Bobby Knight’s 902 wins? (John G. Roby; Avon Lake, Ohio)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. To promote safe sex practices, will the University of Louisville be issuing tablecloths to all incoming freshmen or just to those on the basketball team? (Steve Gallagher; Milwaukee)

A. Pay this fella too.

Q. Does John Calipari have a plastic surgeon on retainer to reduce the size of his nose every time he speaks? (Michael Woods; Houston)

A. It pays $1.25 to be a keen observer of college basketball.

Q. Rick Pitino was pictured in the Louisville media guide with the pope last year. Who is he pictured with this year, Sen. John Edwards? (T. Ponton; Hyattsville, Md.)

A. Another slam dunk, another buck-and-a-quarter.