Wake not the best time for wedding announcement

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable to announce your engagement when your sister is standing in the receiving line at her husband’s viewing? If not, what would have been the acceptable way to handle a situation like this?

GENTLE READER: Wait – you (was it you?) were accepting condolences near your husband’s coffin when your sister shrieked, “Guess what! I’m engaged!”

Or perhaps someone inquired about that unknown gentleman who seemed to be one of the immediate family, and your sister replied, “That is my fiance. What with my poor brother-in-law’s illness, we haven’t had a chance to tell people.”

Something in between the two, Miss Manners is guessing. Deaths often bring together people who have not seen each other for a while and, just as many no longer dress for the occasion, those who should be mourners often fail to adjust their ordinary social manners for the occasion.

Typically, people will be calling out, “Nice to see you!” to one another, chatting away to catch up, and indulging in small talk and even jokes.

This is bound to be upsetting to those who are truly mourning. Proper funereal posture is a sad, or at least composed, face with a low voice. Acquaintanceship should be acknowledged with a slight bow, and conversation should be limited to essentials, reminiscences of the deceased and concern for the survivors.

If your sister violated that during the viewing, you might have cautioned her by whispering, “Why don’t you talk to people farther away?”

But that time is past. Funerals, like weddings, are known to ignite family feuds when the participants critique one another’s behavior. Miss Manners begs you to let it drop.