Doug Clark: A song to help you love your Klan man

Brace yourselves today for “Stand by your Klan,” yet another parody song based on the real-life saga of one of our over-the-top newsmakers.

Edgar J. Steele, to be precise.

Steele’s the attorney who stands accused of hiring a hit man to blow up his wife and mother-in-law.

Allegedly.

The would-be assassin turned FBI informant, however, and Steele has been in custody ever since feds raided his North Idaho home earlier this summer.

Before that, Steele was best known for unsuccessfully defending neo-Nazi leader Richard Butler in the 2000 lawsuit that bankrupted the Hayden-based Aryan Nations.

Steele, despite that court loss, became something of a hero to the moronic white-supremacist masses.

During a 2004 speech before a convention of anti-Semitic nitwits, Steele said the claim that Adolf Hitler exterminated 6 million Jews during World War II is based on “a pattern of lies.”

What a guy.

But it’s all the twists and turns of Steele’s current dilemma that have made him worthy of a country classic.

Take the victim-tampering charge against Steele, for example.

It originated from a call Steele supposedly made to his wife from the Kootenai County Jail. Authorities say Steele urged his wife to tell investigators that the voice on a recording of the murder-for-hire plot is not his.

“No matter what you hear, no matter what you think, no matter what you feel, you have to say the following: ‘No, that is not my husband’s voice,’ ” Steele said. “Then, like a rhinoceros in the road, you have to stand your ground and refuse to say anything but that.”

That paragraph prompted one of my editor pals to suggest a makeover of the old Tammy Wynette hit “Stand By Your Man.”

Well, you know me. When my editors say, “Jump,” I say, “Show me the cliff!”

Steele was back in the news this week over a lovey-dovey birthday card he sent to his wife.

Allegedly.

The card violates a no-contact order, according to a federal prosecutor.

So Friday found me in a recording studio with Joe Brasch, my bandmate and musical co-conspirator.

I wrote the lyrics, with Brasch tossing in a few choice bits like “fraulein” and that dramatic closer about the witness stand. Then I got in front of the microphone and belted out the song to a downloaded karaoke track while Brasch manipulated the knobs and dials.

You can listen to what we came up with at www.spokesman.com.

Or just sing the new lyrics to …

Stand By Your Klan

Sometimes it’s hard to love a Nazi.

And all their idiotic schemes.

They’ll say they love you.

Then they’ll try to

Blow you up to smithereens.

—

So if you’re smart you’ll stay as silent,

As a rhinoceros in the road.

Keep on smilin’.

Be his good fraulein.

And check your car lest you explode.

—

Stand by your Klan.

If you give testimony,

Just say the tapes are phony.

And he’s your one and only.

—

Stand by your Klan.

He’ll send you birthday greetings,

Even though he’s locked inside the can.

Stand by your Klan.

—

Stand by your Klan.

He’ll send you birthday loving.

And when you’re on that witness stand.

Stand by your Klan.