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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

You deserve to be loved, appreciated

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: I’m 42, and my mother, sister and adult daughter have all informed me repeatedly that I’m worthless, useless, unattractive and unlovable. I’ve examined my whole life to try to fix whatever it is I’m doing wrong, but I just can’t seem to come up with any specific thing. I also have an ex-husband who agrees with everything they say, blames me for everything that ever went wrong in our marriage and adds that I’m lousy in bed, too. I’ve never been with anyone else to compare, but I’m too scared to discover he’s right.

So, I’ve shut myself away from all friends, family and social interactions because the last thing I want to do is upset anyone or cause them pain. It seems obvious to me that with this many people telling me how bad I am and how much I destroy their happiness, I must be a problem.

I’m informed and intelligent enough to know that I suffer from major depression, but I fail to see how counseling or medical care will help. After all, how can a pill or a counselor undo 42 years’ worth of ingrained self-loathing and the inability to fix myself? I don’t see how trying would be anything other than a waste of time and money.

Isn’t it better to just acknowledge that the best thing some people can do in this world is leave it? I’m sure my family would be better off. – Ready To Quit

Dear Ready: That nest of vipers certainly has done a number on you. You sound like a kind, intelligent person who has spent too many years struggling. In some families, one person becomes the victim of abuse, and other family members think it’s OK to participate. Here’s what counseling will do for you: It will help you understand that you deserve to be loved and appreciated. And it will teach you how to deflect these bullies so they can’t use you for target practice anymore. Please make an appointment to see someone immediately.