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This column reflects the opinion of the writer. To learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column, click here.

Opinion >  Column

The Slice: Maybe it’s time to have ‘the talk’

The Slice has managed to secure an interview with the Spokane parent of grown children who most desperately wants to be a grandparent.

You won’t believe the answers.

Q: Excited about the skating championships?

A: Not as excited as I’d be if I had a couple of grandkids to take.

Q: Maybe your grown children have opted for different lifestyles?

A: Maybe they ought to settle down and get busy, if you know what I mean.

Q: Could it be that you brought them up to be independent and to chart their own course?

A: I don’t know what you are talking about. All I know is our kids were raised in Spokane and they still live here. The fact that they are not cranking out babies is an affront to everything I believe.

Q: Maybe they are afraid that they would not be good parents?

A: How could that be? They had perfect role models. We pounded sound values into them. We taught them to be like us. We didn’t raise them to be footloose and fancy free.

Q: Have you ever thought of volunteering with some sort of youth program?

A: I’ll tell what I’ve thought about. I’ve thought about the fact that we don’t have any grandbabies to spoil rotten. Am I supposed to carry pictures of our kids’ pets in my wallet?

Q: What if your children turned out to be the sort of parents you can’t stand?

A: Well, what do you think grandparents are for? We could overrule all that hippie nonsense and get the little ones to sit up and fly right.

Q: So have you made your feelings clear to your married children?

A: Well, we try not to butt in. But we have mentioned casually that Spokane is a great place to raise a family and if that’s not what they plan on doing they are almost certainly going to hell.

Today’s Slice question: What local ZIP code is home to the greatest number of people who have served jail time?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail pault@spokesman.com. I’ll announce the winner of the Zags tickets Sunday.

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