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Spontaniety gone; seek counseling

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar

Dear Annie: My wife and I were high-school sweethearts. We have been together for 13 years and married for seven. I am 29 and she is 28. Like every couple, we have had our ups and downs, but nothing that couldn’t be resolved, until this year.

We used to be so spontaneous, but now our sexual relationship is over. She doesn’t want to touch, kiss, hold hands, nothing. She says she still loves me, but can’t give me what I want as far as affection or sex and I need to find it somewhere else. She has asked for a separation so we both can clear our heads.

I can’t figure out what’s going on. She tells me there is no affair, and I believe and trust her. I love my wife with all my heart. She is so beautiful and sexy. How could she lose the desire to be passionate? I have tried to figure things out, but it seems I only make it worse and push her farther away. We have a 5-year-old girl, and I don’t want to break up our family. My wife says she has no time for me now and thinks a separation will help us get back that spark. I can tell whenever I am with her, she would clearly rather be doing something else. Every conversation ends with her becoming angry and picking a fight. I need some friendly advice. – Lonely in North Carolina

Dear Lonely: The birth of a child can change the relationship between a husband and wife, but whatever is going on, you seem oblivious and your wife isn’t letting you in on the secret. Please ask her to go with you for counseling so you can work on this without becoming angry. Say it is for the sake of your daughter. If she refuses, go without her. Something is going on and you need to figure it out.

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611.
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