How to respond to America-bashing

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I are fortunate to have a lovely group of friends with whom we socialize regularly. We all get along fabulously and more often than not have a rollicking good time.

Coincidentally, although we all live in New England, I am the only American citizen in the group. Among them are Middle Easterners, Britons, Caribbean Islanders and Australians. They are here for various reasons but all, except my fiancee, intend to go home eventually.

Now, it is a hobby of mine to read and think long and hard about what America means – I study America the way some study their Bible – and normally would love nothing more than an animated discussion on the subject.

But now I find myself sitting through marathon gripe sessions about America as International Bad Guy, with no opening for examination as to why and how we wound up where we are, no room for back and forth about whether it is really all that bad.

Worse, they expect me to agree with them, which I cannot bring myself to do, even for the sake of international dinner-table harmony.

I would much prefer to open up the discussion than to close it down. Can you offer a better solution, Miss Manners? These discussions occur more often than not around my own dinner table. Should my response be dictated by where we are? I’m beginning to feel increasingly uncomfortable around my friends.

GENTLE READER: While they are feeling perfectly comfortable insulting your nationality and the country they are visiting, without even feeling the need to explain why.

Time to turn the table.

Not by insulting them or their countries, Miss Manners hastens to add. These are your friends, often also your guests, who had reasons for coming to America.

What you should do is to find other occasions – not when America is under discussion – to get them started talking about their own countries. Are they happy with the government, and its foreign policy? Can it take criticism? Does it provide opportunities to make the most of oneself? And are most people there interesting and polite?

Miss Manners feels sure that you will be supplied with ample material for saying “But I thought you said that at home …?” when they complain about the United States.