The Slice: Tell them the boss was fired and they are now in charge

If you work in an office, you know the drill at this time of year.

People return from vacation and want to know what workplace news or drama they missed. Usually, though, there is not much to report. Blame it on summer doldrums.

Still, there’s something unsatisfying about answering “What did I miss?” with “Not much, really.”

So maybe on Monday we can try something different. When returning vacationers ask what went on at the office while they were away, you could take a few liberties with the truth. You could offer a more entertaining answer.

The Slice has a few ideas, just to get you started.

“So, what did I miss?”

1. “Well, it’s all on YouTube.” 2. “The Green Lantern is our new department head.” 3. “They tweaked the mission statement. Added something about meetings.” 4. “Angela in accounting went all Mel Gibson on Cooper.”

5. “There was a food fight.” 6. “Our operation is being moved to Walla Walla.” 7. “Wear Your Swimsuit to Work Day.” 8. “The new receptionist confessed to being the Hoopfest shooter.”

9. “Miss Boing Boing accidentally sent an X-rated e-mail to everyone.” 10. “There was a seminar on how to be more passive aggressive when writing a memo.” 11. “We’re all supposed to start answering the phone by saying, ‘How may I bill you?’ ” 12. “Mary Beth saw a tarantula in the break room.”

Slice answers: Most responding readers said, yes, watermelons used to taste better. But one dissenter said they haven’t ever been any good.

Loon Lakes: Yes, there is more than one. Idaho has one, too.

So do California, New Hampshire, Indiana, Minnesota, Michigan, Wisconsin, New York, Maine and, well, you get the idea.

Trend alert: ’ Twas the night before August, when all through the house

The beery neighbor’s fire pit left a smell like cooked mouse

Today’s Slice question: What have you put in a squirt-gun besides water?