Annie’s Mailbox: Feeling abandoned by her dad again

Dear Annie: I have only known my biological father for 14 years. (I have no relationship with my biological mother.) Dad signed away his rights when I was young, but I reconnected with him at age 15. He claims he always wanted me, but I am now 28, and he has made no effort to be in my life.

I was recently hospitalized for two weeks. Dad never once came or called, even though he knew I was there and only lives a mile away. My foster dad, however, drove 100 miles to see me. Whenever I try to see my father, he never has time. He doesn’t bother to visit my home or my 9-year-old daughter.

I want him to love me, but I was the only one making the effort to have a relationship. This man has alienated himself from his siblings and other relatives. When his mother was terminally ill, I sat at her bedside for weeks, and he never once came to see her.

I have decided to cut all ties because I am tired of being hurt and having my every move criticized. I have gone through cancer without any emotional support from him. He ignores my daughter, his only grandchild.

My husband is big on family and is pressuring me to have a closer relationship with my biological parents. I consider my foster parents my real parents. They have loved me no matter what. I think it’s healthier to eliminate my father from my life. Am I wrong? – Abandoned Again

Dear Abandoned: There is no right or wrong here. If you want to keep your father in your life, you must scale down your expectations. He is not capable of putting forth the effort required to maintain a close relationship. Either accept him as an occasional distant relative, or avoid him altogether, but don’t let your husband make the choice for you. Do what you can handle.