Dear Annie: I’ve been married to “June” for nine years. We have two young children. June’s first marriage ended in divorce, and after, she moved in with her sister and brother-in-law, “Chuck.” While there, she began an affair with him. I found out three years ago, when she left her e-mail open and I saw dozens of letters between the two of them, many of them recent.
I confronted my wife in the presence of our family counselor and took the blame, saying I could be a better husband. June vowed to break off all contact with Chuck. But since then, she has texted him repeatedly, and worse, I saw an e-mail saying she was planning to divorce me and buy a house with Chuck. He is now divorced from June’s sister.
Recently, June was hospitalized. While I had her cell phone, Chuck sent a text. I ignored it, and then he called. I completely lost it and read him the riot act. Last night, June told me Chuck’s number was programmed into her cell phone so that if his name comes up, she’ll know not to answer. But I checked and there were six texts between the two of them in the past two days. They were planning a lunch date.
Now June says she doesn’t see anything wrong with texting Chuck because he’s “just a friend.” I am totally torn up by this. I wrote June a three-page letter detailing my feelings, fears and insecurities. I love my wife and would hate to see our kids go through a divorce. But Chuck has no place in our marriage. I’ve found a family counselor, but June won’t go. Any advice? – Aimless in Ames, Iowa
Dear Aimless: Even if your wife is no longer having a sexual affair with Chuck, she is emotionally involved with him despite your objections, and this is a betrayal. If June refuses to go for counseling, go alone to see whether you can salvage your marriage. Sorry to say, but without her cooperation, we’re not optimistic.
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