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The Slice: Put a lid on those complaints about the cold

The official start of winter is still more than a month away.

But this might be a good time to catch up with the Spokane Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat. We’ll be seeing him around in the weeks to come. And The Slice wanted to know what makes him tick.

You won’t believe his answers.

Slice: So you know all about the physics of keeping warm and how important hats are, right?

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: Oh, sure. I just prefer not to.

Slice: So, are you trying to be cool? You know, like teenagers wearing shorts when it’s 10 degrees out.

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: Hats just aren’t my style.

Slice: But freezing your head off is?

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: Look, I’ve known some guys who were really into wearing hats. In fact, they were all about the hat, like it gave them a film-noir look or something. I don’t want anyone to mistake me for one of those sad characters.

Slice: Is this about hat hair?

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: No. And since when is being a bit of a stoic a social crime?

Slice: Well, there are a lot of people in Spokane who whine about cold temperatures and yet still refuse to dress appropriately for winter. It gets old.

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: Too bad.

Slice: You probably don’t wear reasonable footwear in snow either. Am I right?

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: Why pick on me? Aren’t women really the ones who fail to bundle up?

Slice: They have a layer of fat or something. You aren’t supposed to talk about it. And they aren’t usually the ones trying to act tough or pretending that they are impervious to the elements.

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: Well, I’ve seen hatless TV newswomen standing outside in falling snow.

Slice: So they’re your role models – twentysomething girls with water streaming over their makeup?

Guy Who Refuses to Wear a Hat: I’m not saying anything more until my lawyer gets here.

Today’s Slice question: How many times has your car been broken into while parked at a trailhead?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail I hereby declare today to be J. Scott Miller Day in Spokane.

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