Miss Manners: Sister imposes her issues on others
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister is 12 years older, and we get along well for the most part but have almost opposite personalities. While staying with her for Thanksgiving, she kept overhearing my husband and me talking and would add her two cents, such as “He can do whatever he wants … it’s my house,” and smile at my husband.
We were usually discussing just simple things like when we would have dessert because we usually share (she said he can eat dessert anytime he wants to!). One morning when we were out to breakfast, my husband offered me a bite of his pancakes, so I asked for a piece from the edge and she said, “You even tell him how to cut his food?”
She said out loud, in front of my husband and her husband and a few of my cousins, that she thinks I hold my husband under my thumb. I didn’t address it at the table but later asked her about it via text, as I find it hard to talk with her in person when the topic is heated.
She said that her husband controls her, and she knows what it is like to live like that.
Our marriages are very different. My husband is very giving and generous with his time and financially and is very loving. My husband does not feel controlled and tries to reassure me that he is very happy with me and loves our marriage.
That makes me feel a little better, but I think the relationship between my sister and me is forever tainted. What should I do? Even writing this now makes me feel like I can’t trust her and that she took a cheap shot at me.
GENTLE READER: You might remind yourself that your sister told you that this is really about her marriage, not yours. That does not make it any less rude or annoying, Miss Manners acknowledges, but might make it seem less pointed.
Stopping it is a job for your giving, generous, happy, reassuring husband. You are only being made to look domineering; he is being made to look foolish.
The next time your sister does what she calls defending him, he should say, in an amused tone, “Celia, I really wish you would stop urging Corrine not to pay me these little attentions – I enjoy them so much.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it proper for a man to wear gloves?
GENTLE READER: When he is gardening, dancing at a white-tie ball, cleaning, performing surgery, building a snowman, riding a horse – Miss Manners may have missed a few, but you see the idea.
Under no circumstances should he wear gloves when eating, drinking or shaking hands with a lady. However, the lady may keep her gloves on when shaking hands with a gentleman. What this says about hygiene or the relations between the genders, Miss Manners does not care to guess.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 19 and want to be affectionate when I date, but am not ready quite yet for sex. At what point in a new relationship is it appropriate to hug, kiss or cuddle at the movies?
GENTLE READER: When you know for a fact that the people behind you are bored with the film and would rather watch something live.