The Slice: Dogs, cats have all the answers

It’s time for another installment of Furry Talk, the interactive pets column that answers questions from Spokane area dogs and cats.

You wouldn’t believe the letters that arrive from Inland Northwest animals seeking advice.

To FT: “As a large, furry malamute, I am a toddler magnet. They stagger up and hug my neck. I like kids, but some have jelly-smeared faces. You can imagine what that does to my coat. Plus, every once in a while, a child gets stuck. When they start screaming, it’s only inches from my ear. Any suggestions?” – Hugged and Bugged in Mead

Dear Hugged: If it’s winter, you could try gently knocking the kid over and pressing his or her face into the snow, to wipe off the jelly. Then you could accept an embrace, should one be forthcoming.

To FT: “I am a 10-year-old tabby descended from Secretariat’s cat, but none of the South Hill felines I encounter believe me. What can I do?” – Great-Grandpa Moused for Big Red

Dear GG: Feline genealogy can be murky. There is a chance you are also related to TV’s Top Cat. Seeing as how your kind tends to be skeptical, there might be no way to convince doubters. But if you know any Mormon cats, you might ask their advice. They often know a lot about researching family trees.

To FT: “I used to watch ‘Mad Men’ with my people on Sunday nights. But then that guy, Duck, abandoned his loyal dog in the middle of Manhattan. I stopped viewing at that point. Have I missed anything?” – Doberman in Sandpoint

Dear Dobie: There was a lawnmower accident and several new secretaries.

To FT: “I am a black cat who doesn’t dig Halloween. I don’t know any witches and do not appreciate being associated with cauldrons and bad luck. How can I lodge a protest?” – Tired of Type-Casting

Dear Tired: Do what John and Yoko did. Stage a Bed-In.

Today’s Slice question: What do marketers apparently consider to be the most pressing need of Americans your age?