Cash not required for keeping in touch

Dear Annie: When I was 5, I had to live with my dad and my stepmother, “Joann,” who was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. After 12 years, I left to live with my biological mom.

My relationship with Joann has been tenuous at best. She didn’t bother to attend my high school or college graduations. When I married, she not only refused to come, but tried to keep my father away, as well. The two of them have been absentee grandparents to my sons, their only grandchildren, who are now 15 and 20.

Joann decided to retire early, which meant they wanted money from my siblings and me every month. My husband said absolutely not. Since then they have quit calling, and I haven’t spoken to them in eight months. She recently told my brother that I called and yelled at her, which is completely untrue.

I’ve had a couple of minor health scares recently. I’m tired of trying to please these two utterly self-centered people. I do not feel like extending the “olive branch” yet again, but part of me feels guilty because they are getting older. What would you do? – Fed Up with Family

Dear Fed Up: Extending an olive branch doesn’t mean handing out cash. If the only thing your father values in this relationship is money, we don’t see the point. Since you apparently still want some type of contact with your father, however, we recommend you take the finances off the table. Call Dad if you like. Send chatty letters and emails with updated family news, and expect nothing in return. You will be an attentive daughter and will have no reason to feel guilty.