Offering sounds of peace in painful times

Q. When my friend was very ill in the hospital, a woman came to his room and played the harp for him. The nurse called her a “music-thanatologist.” What is that?

A. Music-thanatologists (from the Greek word thanatos, which means dying) offer music as medicine, with harp and vocal music at the bedside of dying or seriously ill patients.

The music vigil, typically 30 to 60 minutes long, may offer comfort and pain relief and reduce anxiety, restlessness and existential angst. It may also create an environment of peace for the patient and visitors, says Roberta Rudy, a music-thanatologist in the Pacific Northwest.

“I am able to offer beauty and peace in times of trouble,” Rudy says.

While music-thanatology was introduced into our Western health care system as recently as the 1970s, many ancient cultures have long used music as a healing modality.

Look at indigenous tribes in various cultures to see how music impacts illness. They often have a healer and almost always there is rhythm or chanting.

“Infirmary music” was used in the Benedictine monastery in Cluny, France, as early as the 11th century, when monks would chant at the bedside of ailing community members.

Music is a calming force that allows emotional and spiritual shifting within a person’s spirit to occur, Rudy says.

Why the harp and voice, but not, say, the electric guitar?

The harp is polyphonic – gentle vibration of the strings allows many tones to move at the same time. It is a gentle instrument with soft, versatile sounds.

Unfamiliar music is played because familiar music allows our minds to anticipate the next phrase, which is distracting. It’s better if the patient can respond simply to the tonal quality of the music, explains Rudy.

Music-thanatology requires education beyond learning the harp and using voice. Required competencies include physiology, spiritual psychology, music theory and the history of music as a healing modality.

Music-thanatologists must understand the dying process, the role of ritual and how music vigils can adapt to a patient’s specific culture and medical condition.

Music vigils for dying patients may create an environment where loved ones can share intimate feelings of gratitude, forgiveness and love. The calming atmosphere empowers patients to let go and transition into the next life.

Our culture still struggles to accept illness and dying as part of living. Music-thanatologists create sacred space, making these challenges a more peace-filled experience.

Q. My friend is in the hospital for several weeks and his wife is there all the time. What gifts can I take when I visit that will comfort both of them?

A. They will welcome anything they don’t have to worry about. Flowers and balloons are the default hospital-visit gifts, and if you know your friends would appreciate either, go for it.

But flowers need watering, and balloons take up space in already crowded hospital rooms. (Most hospitals now ban latex balloons because of allergy concerns, though Mylar balloons are permitted.)

Balloons with characters’ faces can look scary in the middle of the night. It’s the same with super-size stuffed animals.

We asked for alternative gift ideas from friends and family members who have experienced longer hospital stays, either as a patient or caregiver. Here are their recommendations:

• Disposable items: People get dehydrated in times of stress so bottled water, especially in warm weather, will be appreciated. Freeze the bottles and then place them in a tote bag along with paper towels to wipe them off when needed.

Small amounts of healthy food that they don’t have to wash, such as bananas or oranges, work great, too.

• Comfort items: Patients appreciate earplugs because hospitals are noisy. A sanitized pillow and blanket can keep a patient or caregiver warm and cozy.

Both might also appreciate sock footies, the kind with the non-slip decals on the bottom. Hospital room floors can get cold and slippery.

• Distraction items: Attention spans can be hummingbird-small in a medical crisis. So opt for easy-on-the-brain distractions, such as a crossword puzzle book for dummies or breezy magazines and even supermarket tabloids.

When Catherine’s father had open-heart surgery, she and her sisters devoured tabloids, not their usual reading material. But they got some needed laughs reading about crazy celebrity life.

If your friends are big readers, give them books, but make sure the plots are on the lighter side and don’t loan them books you need returned. Don’t give anything that requires a return. It adds another burden.

• Miscellaneous items: A small notebook with attached pen will help the couple keep to-do lists and take notes when the doctor visits.

If you have a small, framed photo of the couple and their kids and/or grandkids, place it on a shelf or table. It will remind your friend and his wife that they lived through happier times and have each other through this hard time, too.