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This column reflects the opinion of the writer. Learn about the differences between a news story and an opinion column.

Opinion >  Column

The Slice: If it’s a dot on an old map, we’ll rank it

If there’s one thing pop culture teaches us it’s this: Eventually everything must be rated, ranked or somehow subjectively sorted.

It’s the law.

So today The Slice offers a list of the Inland Northwest’s Top 30 town names. Some of these places barely exist anymore. But all are on some official state highway maps from the 1980s that I have at my desk.

Here are my picks. Feel free to disagree.

30. Bonners Ferry. I’ve always liked the sound of that.

29. Tonasket. “A tisket, a Tonasket …”

28. Soap Lake. Is that Western or what?

27. Diamond Lake. Sounds like summer.

26. Cocolalla. Kids like to say it.

25. Rockford. Sounds solid, stable.

24. Elmer City. Lacks affectation.

23. Liberty Lake. Nice alliteration.

22. Tekoa. Fun to say.

21. Four Lakes. Sounds like a place in a novel.

20. Edwall. See 24.

19. Thornton. Would be a good baby name.

18. Schrag. Eschews trendiness.

17. Wawawai. Even more fun to say.

16. Latah. Lyrical sound.

15. Tumtum. What’s not to like?

14. Hartline. See 21.

13. Uniontown. No Confederate flags, please.

12. Pataha. Can be served with curry.

11. Pinehurst. Now we’re talking Northwest.

10. Santa. You’d better not pout.

9. Metaline Falls. Evokes images of self-reliant residents.

8. Washtucna. See 22 and 17.

7. Deary. Confident in its masculinity.

6. Kettle Falls. Sounds like our neck of the woods.

5. Ione. Three fun vowels in four short letters.

4. Bluestem. Ag pride.

3. Spirit Lake. Didn’t Bigfoot have a place there?

2. Northport. Has a classic sound.

1. Hope. It’s what we all need.

Today’s Slice question: What percentage of people around here can say, “Don’t blame me for sprawl, I live in a dwelling built before I was born”?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; fax (509) 459-5098; e-mail Happy Groundhog Day Eve.

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