Annie’s Mailbox: Aloofness depicts clear disapproval

Dear Annie: I work in a family business along with my parents, my brother and my sister. Two years ago, my brother’s wife and my sister’s husband also worked there, but they had an affair and moved away together. Three months later, they both returned to their spouses. Their marriages are reconciled, but they are not allowed back in the family business.

I refuse to attend any event that includes the two of them. I am so upset about what they did to my family that I will not speak to either of them. The problem is, my sister is constantly telling me that I have to accept her husband and stop being so stubborn. I keep telling her what they did is not acceptable and I do not have to be around either one of them.

What do you suggest? Am I wrong to feel this way? – Confused

Dear Confused: You are not wrong. Their behavior was reprehensible. However, avoiding family events where these in-laws will be present mostly hurts your sister and brother. They are having a hard enough time with their marriages. It surely is additional punishment to know the affair has also caused an estrangement with their sibling. Etiquette quite helpfully provides a solution. It’s called “snubbing.” Attend these family events, and be loving toward your sister and brother and aloof toward the miscreants. Your behavior will make your disapproval abundantly clear.