Simply do not let guests in the door

Dear Annie: Ever since my husband and I moved to a resort area, we have enjoyed many family gatherings at our house. These were invited guests at times that suited our schedules. Lately, however, the family seems to expect our house to be a spontaneous crash pad because we have “the most accommodating space.”

The truth is, almost every visit has become a financial burden and a physically taxing occasion, especially when they linger for days, sometimes weeks. Our utility bills skyrocket, the food costs are insurmountable, and this doesn’t include the unrelenting domestic chores with little or no help. During their stay, our house looks ransacked, with carpet stains, damaged furniture and tons of laundry.

These are all grown, financially secure, professional adults. My husband and I have tried tactfully refusing them, suggesting other places, and designating meals and tasks, all of which were basically ineffective. Telling them we have other plans is not a deterrent. Our home has turned into a hotel and storage facility. We love them, but we are at our wits’ end. Any thoughts? – Ocean City, Md.

Dear Ocean City: You are going to have to be more firm and consistent. Say, “Sorry, you cannot stay here.” Don’t let them in the door. Don’t give them keys. When they complain, tell them point-blank that you love them, but people leave the house a mess, no one contributes a thing, it strains your finances and you’ve had enough. You will invite them when you are ready to have company. Period. They may be upset, but they will only stop taking advantage of you when you insist on it.