Annie’s Mailbox: Grandma will let couple share room

Dear Annie: My husband, our daughter and I made plans to visit my mother-in-law. Other family members will be in town, as well, including our older daughter (age 25) and her boyfriend. They live together.

My mother-in-law informed me that my daughter and her boyfriend would be sharing a bedroom. I can’t control how my daughter lives, but I don’t condone it. I emailed my mother-in-law, explaining that neither my husband nor I is comfortable with them sharing a room and didn’t want to give our younger daughter the impression that this is OK.

I was shocked when my 80-year-old mother-in-law wrote back saying this was her home and she could do whatever she wanted. It is my belief that she is trying to infuriate me while also appearing “cool and hip” to my daughter. My husband and I are hurt that she cares nothing about our feelings.

We already bought the expensive plane tickets. Otherwise, we would cancel the trip. We considered staying in a motel, but the purpose of the visit is to see the whole family, and we would miss out on any nighttime chats. My husband and I are angry and don’t know what to do. – Cool Grandma Doesn’t Care

Dear Doesn’t Care: Your mother-in-law can do as she pleases in her own home. She also doesn’t particularly care about her son’s feelings on the subject, not to mention yours. Stop trying to pressure her to see it your way. Your choice is to attend or not, and to stay there or not.

Since you are already going, we recommend you find other accommodations. Yes, you may miss out on some evening chats, but you should not be forced to endure a situation you find uncomfortable, and Mom should realize that you mean what you say.