Hubby OK with brother moving in

Dear Carolyn: My husband of three months invited his 26-year-old brother to live with us, for nine months. I did not consent to this arrangement.

My husband presented this scenario to me – after the invitation was already extended – as a way for us to get extra money.

This brother has taken advantage of family in the past and is babied by his parents, and now, it seems, my husband.

I think he should see what it really means to be an adult. The brother has no ambition, motivation or goals, but just wants a change from his current city.

Since I feel stuck in what will likely be a stressful first year of marriage, do you have any tips on how to adjust my attitude/outlook? – Stressed sIL

“Stressed wife,” you mean – that’s more accurate.

Your brother-in-law does sound like the monster indulgence built, but your husband’s behavior is way more egregious. Acting unilaterally in a marriage is the heart of all betrayal.

Your comfort, standard of living, quality of life, finances, safety and goals, among other things, are all linked now. Your husband imposed his standards on you – and compromised yours for you – in every one of these categories when he acted without asking you.

The productive, forward-looking response to that isn’t to suck it up. It’s to explain to your husband that he negated your voice in your own home, to let him know this is not acceptable, and to say the conversation about his brother’s next nine months isn’t over until you’ve both had your say.

Since he has been a husband for all of three months, it’s possible he just hasn’t fully processed what it means to share a life.

Even if you agree hosting the prodigal slug is the best course for you as a couple, you and your husband still need to agree that his days of unilateral decision-making, and yours, came to a two-word close with “I do.”