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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Mom chooses son’s ex over his new family

Kathy Mitchell/Marcy Sugar Kathy Mitchell

Dear Annie: I am married to a wonderful man with a teenage son from a previous marriage. I love them both dearly. We now have two toddlers and a baby on the way.

The problem is my mother-in-law. She left my father-in-law several years ago for a more exciting life (which has failed miserably). Mom maintains a close relationship with my hubby’s ex, which is fine. However, she insists on inviting us to the same family functions. The first time she did it, we told her it makes us uncomfortable, and she had a temper tantrum and asked us to leave.

Our relationship with her is rocky at best. She often invites the ex to family functions at her home instead of us, and then complains to others that she doesn’t see our children enough. Of course, if anyone mentions my father-in-law, she bristles and says something derogatory.

She is welcome to maintain her ties to her first daughter-in-law. But when she specifically chooses the ex’s company over ours, she forfeits that time with our children and distances herself further from our family. We don’t hate the ex. We just don’t care to share every family barbecue with her.

We have very close relationships with my own parents, as well as my father-in-law, which provide lots of quality grandparent time. Are we wrong in not being more accepting of Mom’s behavior? We’ve tried talking with her about it, but she’s never been wrong in her life. What do we do? – Daughter-in-Law in Wyoming

Dear Wyoming: Since the ex is your stepson’s mother, it’s best if you can coexist. But if Mom chooses to invite the ex-daughter-in-law instead of her son and his family, that is her choice and she must deal with the consequences. If you want to have a closer relationship, invite her to your place.