Don’t rule out bad family experience

While I’m away, readers give the advice.

On another way to think about that nightmare boyfriend/girlfriend:

I came from an extremely dysfunctional family where no one was ever nice to one another, ever. I grew up pulling (emotional) knives out of my back, and was shocked at how much other people loved their kids. My mother was mentally ill when no one talked about that, and self-medicated with liquor. We lived in fear someone would find out and lived with a sort of bunker mentality.

So in my late teens, when I had my first boyfriends, I’m sure I was really odd and (rhymes with witchy) around their families. I knew how to deal only with being picked on or ignored. When I was around nice people, or a normal family, I didn’t know what to do. I responded the way I did with my family to protect myself. I also know I made a ton of mistakes in regard to sending cards and remembering birthdays and other occasions, since no one did that in my family.

I have forgiven my family; no one was nice to them either. The fun part is that life and people are much kinder than I ever dreamed.

So the next time someone writes you about how awful a new girlfriend or boyfriend is, you might want to point out that they may have had a bad family experience and don’t know how to act or relax around nice people. – C.