Miss Manners: Minister’s wife wants to stay in touch

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About four years ago, my husband had to resign from his ministry position because of inappropriate behavior in a past parish that became a legal matter. After his resignation from the church – at which there had been no problem – we remained in the community, but began attending another church.

In these past years, we have continued to be connected with some of our former church members closely and others not so closely. But the people remain close to my heart. It was hard to leave that congregation where we had been for seven happy years.

Many of the young people we worked with have been getting married. Only a handful have invited us to their weddings. It brings sadness to me to not be invited. I still care about these young people and their parents.

I would like to send a wedding gift, but wonder if it is inappropriate to send when not invited to the wedding. I simply want to express my congratulations along with a message of continued care.

GENTLE READER: That would be lovely if Miss Manners were not worried about that “message of continued care.” Your present and congratulations alone say that. Adding the message you propose suggests that while you haven’t forgotten to care, they have.

It’s a subtle nuance. But then, people do pick up on such nuances. You surely noticed that Miss Manners is the first person to become newly aware of your husband’s history without asking what his inappropriate behavior was.