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The Slice: Stars suggest Libras try lightening up
Time again for a Slice Horoscope.
This is the only zodiac column written by someone who might have made knowing eye contact with you at Spokane International Airport when people were crowding the baggage carrousel in such a way that most travelers practically had to shove someone aside in order to reach for their luggage.
As always, I guarantee this astrological forecast to be as accurate as any other.
Aries: Just say “yes” when the cashier asks if you found everything.
Taurus: Wear your helmet today — all day.
Gemini: Realize that you are not forced to buy liquor.
Cancer: If you hate camping, make that clear before the wedding.
Leo: Prepare yourself for the possibility that someone at work will proposition you.
Virgo: Do not take investment advice from marmots today.
Libra: Try not to be so angry.
Scorpio: Listen to the voices in your head telling you to get some help.
Sagittarius: Celebrate August Eve with gusto.
Capricorn: Your summer school story about the North Side boy and the South Hill girl sounds a bit like “Romeo and Juliet.”
Aquarius: Rethink your plan to prove that you are Spokane’s gift to insecure men.
Pisces: Either stop thinking of yourself as “the strong silent type” or stop sending 13,000 texts a day.
Spartacus: That’s what you’re wearing?
Leviticus: You are an affront to decent society. Search for the upside.
Nougat: Don’t name the baby Skeeter.
Succotash: Live free or something.
Lumbago: Today is the day you settle all accounts at day care.
Woohoo: Try boating sober for once.
Lebowski: Kiss an Inland Northwest nurse today.
Zagacus: Consider that saying “And loving it” all the time might not resonate with those too young to have watched “Get Smart.”
Spokanthrax: Don’t tell a bear that you saw the berries first.
If today is your birthday: Eat cake and declare your intention to live by a passage from the book of James: “Shower the people you love with love.”
Today’s Slice question: Ever wanted to hug the person doing a blood draw after he or she effortlessly eased the needle into your vein on the first try?