It’s parents’ choice to support brother

Dear Annie: My brother and sister and I had an amazing childhood. Our parents stressed the importance of hard work and education. The three of us got advanced degrees, and my sister and I entered the workforce after graduation.

Our brother, “Dennis,” however, seems content to live with my parents, working a minimum-wage job. He was unable to find employment when he graduated. That was seven years ago.

My parents do not charge him rent. They pay a portion of his student loan bills. Dennis doesn’t seem to have any ambition to move forward. It has created a lot of resentment.

The last time I saw Dennis, he made a snarky comment when I revealed that I was a month behind in my mortgage payment. I was amazed at his nerve, and it resulted in no contact between us for almost a year. Resentment is also building toward my parents for continuing to allow him to mooch off of them. They are now in their 60s and nearing retirement. And I admit that I’m a bit jealous that Dennis gets handed to him the same things my sister and I have to work so hard for.

I will be bringing my fiance to visit my parents for the first time, and we will be staying with them. I’m already dreading it. My fiance says to bite my tongue, that it’s my parents’ decision. But every time I see them, I notice how they have aged. Any suggestions? – Frustrated in Ft. Worth

Dear Frustrated: You need to follow your fiance’s advice and bite your tongue. This is your parents’ choice. The best you can do is be supportive of their needs, perhaps gently pointing out that they are crippling their son by allowing him to be so financially dependent. And perhaps stay somewhere else when you visit. We feel sorry for him. When your folks are no longer around to enable him, he will be in serious trouble.