On Marriage and Money

Issue: Merging Bank Accounts Potential problem: Although many financial planners recommend each partner keep their own bank account and then contribute to a joint account for household expenses, Jeff D. Opdyke, a reporter for The Wall Street Journal and author of “Financially Ever After: The Couples’ Guide to Managing Money” (Harper Paperbacks, 2009), advises against it. “It doesn’t promote financial honesty.” And if you don’t know how much money you have together, it’s difficult to plan for the future. Solution: Combining your finances encourages accountability, flexibility, patience and trust, which will make you a better team. Opdyke suggests creating a budget that allows each partner to spend “X” amount of dollars each month (without nitpicking what they spend it on) and agree to discuss any expenditures that go over. Issue: Growing Money Potential problem: Striving to achieve financial freedom beyond simple solvency is great, but sometimes it can mean working so hard that couples end up spending a majority of their time away from home and each other. Solution: Light a fire under yourself to seek out options in your line of work that are more efficient. “For example, instead of cutting hair at Supercuts, a stylist could rent a booth at a fine salon and work less for more money,” says Jonathan Rich, Ph.D., an Irvine, Calif.-based psychologist and author of “The Couple’s Guide to Love & Money” (New Harbinger, 2003). Also be open to certain small expenditures, such as hiring a housekeeper, that could free up time for the two of you to spend together or that would allow you to pursue additional revenue-streams that may be more enjoyable and flexible in the long run, such as photography, writing a book or a shared at-home business. Issue: Who Controls the Money Problem: Because one partner is often better at money management, it makes sense that he or she might end up handling all the bills, bank accounts and investments. But problems can arise when the other partner is completely out of the loop and feels nervous about their financial situation, or, worse, a disaster like bankruptcy strikes without warning. Solution: “‘Managing’ is much different from ‘controlling,’” says Rich. “Handling the finances doesn’t give you the right to make all the major decisions on your own.” In addition to agreeing to discuss any large or unusual monetary transactions prior to taking action, Opdyke recommends creating spreadsheets that detail all accounts along with access information, as well as having quarterly meetings in which you discuss how much money is in each account and where it’s going.