Dear Annie: A few months ago, I discovered that my wife was having an affair with her boss. She works for a small company that requires long hours and some traveling.
When I confronted her, she didn’t deny it. When I asked her why, she said it was all the long hours, traveling and a little drinking that made it happen. She took full responsibility. She claims she doesn’t love him, it was a mistake and it will never happen again.
I confronted her boss, who is also married with grown kids. He, too, said it was a mistake and that in his 30 years in business, nothing like that had ever happened before. He said he loves his wife and family and feels terrible, and acknowledged that sleeping with an employee is unethical and immoral. He insisted he would do everything he could to rebuild my trust.
I chose to forgive both of them, but for months now I have not been able to enjoy my life. My wife continues to work for this company, and all the conditions that existed before are still there. She doesn’t understand why I am so suspicious or why I don’t want her to travel with him. They both reassure me that nothing is going on, but it’s hard to believe. They are constantly on the phone or texting. She insists it is all work related, but all of her electronic devices have codes, and she refuses to let me see anything.
Am I being played for a fool? I’ve been in therapy and will continue. While it’s helping me deal with my feelings and moods, the therapist can’t tell me whether or not to stay with my wife. – Need Some Help, Please
Dear Need: Ideally, your wife would quit her job or at least refuse to travel with this man. But if the job is a necessity, she needs to be completely transparent in all dealings with her boss. You should be able to look at her text messages and emails and even listen to her phone conversations. If she insists on keeping things from you, it means she has something to hide. Sorry.
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