Dear Annie: My extended family has always been big on celebrating family birthdays for the adults. Celebrations used to include a meal at a restaurant, but as the families expanded, we began celebrating at relatives’ homes with appetizers followed by cake and ice cream.
The problem is, these parties always take place at the homes of grandparents or aunts and uncles. The adult nephews and their wives never offer to host. They also never offer to bring anything. We have hinted on numerous occasions that it would be nice if everyone contributed, but it falls on deaf ears. There are no financial reasons why they cannot step up.
We have tried to let it go, but at the most recent party, one of the wives stated that giving parties is just too expensive. She said they would not be organizing any more children’s parties and that “someone else” in the family can throw one for the kids.
Two weeks later, we learned that the grandparents on the wife’s side had hosted an extravagant party, and then the parents threw a “kiddo” party for the little ones and their adult parents. Only the adults from our side of the family were excluded.
We cannot tell these wives what we think, because every time we voice an opinion, they go on Facebook and accuse us of “bullying.” We don’t feel the need to give in to their demands, but we also don’t want the children to suffer. We are all – Going Nuts in the Midwest
Dear Going Nuts: These wives do not wish to contribute to or participate in their husbands’ family events, and that’s unlikely to change unless the nephews insist. You can still celebrate the little kids’ birthdays with something smaller. Skip your adult nephews’ birthdays and those of their wives. They aren’t interested.
Local journalism is essential.
Give directly to The Spokesman-Review's Northwest Passages community forums series -- which helps to offset the costs of several reporter and editor positions at the newspaper -- by using the easy options below. Gifts processed in this system are not tax deductible, but are predominately used to help meet the local financial requirements needed to receive national matching-grant funds.
Subscribe to the Coronavirus newsletter
Get the day’s latest Coronavirus news delivered to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletter.