Odd display of wedding gratitude

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a wedding for which I drove a total of 19 hours there and back, only to find the following line on the back of the ceremony program: “In lieu of thank-you notes, we will be making a donation to the American Cancer Society.”

This greatly upset me and many of the guests I was with. Is this a new tradition or is this completely inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: This stance – “We don’t have to be polite to you because we care so much about others” – has been around for some time now. It is cited to cover a range of bad behavior, from yelling at strangers in the street to – as in this case – trampling on the feelings of friends and family.

What puzzles Miss Manners is how this is rationalized. How does the admirable act of giving to charity cancel out the need to express gratitude?

No doubt this couple expects acknowledgment from the American Cancer Society (indeed, they need it to take a tax deduction), yet they believe it does themselves credit to refuse to acknowledge the generosity of others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are having a continual battle over our window coverings. I believe it is rude for us to keep our blinds open, particularly at night. She does not think so. Is there etiquette for window coverings?

GENTLE READER : That would be Don’t Frighten the Neighbors. But Miss Manners would advise not interesting them too much, either.