Annie’s Mailbox: Grandparents may tell ex of wedding

Dear Annie: I will be sending out wedding invitations soon. The problem is, I don’t know what to do about my grandparents. They are still friends with my ex-husband, who is unstable and a bit scary. Last year, they didn’t hesitate to give my phone number to his girlfriend when she asked. I was furious. They don’t have my new address because I fear they would give it to my ex and he would show up and cause trouble.

I worry that when my grandparents get their invitation, they will give my ex the date, time, place and my return address. The fact that they are family and love me would not stop them. They are stubborn and thoughtless. They adore my ex and aren’t so crazy about my fiance.

Should I send them the invitation and give them a stern talking to? I doubt it would do any good. Should I give them the information the day of the wedding so they have less time to share it? Of course, that would necessitate asking other family members not to tell them anything, which would be difficult. Any advice? – Burned by Family

Dear Burned: You always have the option of telling your grandparents after the wedding takes place. But we assume you want them to be there. You could send Grandma and Grandpa a handwritten invitation, omitting your return address and the location of the wedding. Arrange for a friend to pick them up and bring them to the ceremony. On the assumption that other relatives will spill the beans, you also could ask another friend to act as “security” (or hire someone) to guard the door so your ex doesn’t show up uninvited.