Trip with parents might just be OK

Dear Carolyn: In the mid-1990s, when I was 22 and my brother was 18, our family took a Caribbean cruise. It was fun, but not so much fun that I cared to go back again.

Now that my parents are retired, my mom has gotten it in her mind that all four of us should take another cruise together. They have even offered to pay. 

I am not interested in taking a family vacation. I am single and in my late 30s, and a family vacation smacks of desperation, a way of saying, “Oh, how sad, he didn’t want to go by himself, so he went with Mommy and Daddy.” Also, traveling anywhere with my parents is never a simple process.

I have repeatedly explained that neither a cruise nor a family vacation (wherever the destination) interests me. Nevertheless, the badgering continues.

– Badgered

Disclosure 1: I see badgering as one of the Deadly Relationship Sins.

2: I believe adults can say no to a vacation for whatever reasons they want, except possibly to their intimate partners.

Opinion, finally: That’s your reason for refusing to go, fear of looking desperate? To whom?

And what’s wrong with “It was important to my mother” should people you hope to impress sidle up to you on the Lido Deck?

To be fair, that your parents are difficult is a fine reason not to want to travel with them – but I hope you’ll put that reason into context and decide, knowing they (and you, for that matter) won’t be around forever, whether there’s anything that would move you to say yes.

Also project to 10 years from now; will you look back on this “no” with regret? What if your mom or dad dies or gets sick?

If you’re hearing violins at this point, my apologies. That’s not my intent.

It’s just that people can be absolutely sure they don’t want to do something, absolutely solid in their reasons, and absolutely entitled to those reasons, and still be wrong in a way they don’t give enough credit: the big-picture, emotional, just-because way. I’m not advising you to say yes, just to think more broadly about that “no.”