Miss Manners: Odd email from bride a wedding announcement

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I got the following email and have no idea if/how I should respond. I’ve never gotten an un-invitation before.

“If you are receiving this email, it is because you hold a special place in my heart. … I want to share some big news! As some of you may already know, my fiance proposed to me a few months ago. We have decided to get married at city hall!

“Since our relationship is far from traditional, we thought, ‘Why not?!’ We are head over heels in love … so it feels right!

“Anyhow, for this special day we decided to have a very intimate dinner with our immediate family as well as the maid of honor/best man.

“I am writing for two reasons – one is to share this exciting news! The other is that I do not want anyone’s feelings to be hurt. There will be a big party; however, we need to save up our funds first! We expect the actual celebration to be in a year or two, depending on our financial situation.

“It has been great living together so far – we are so excited to make it official and can’t wait to celebrate with you in the future!”

Is this a new trend?

GENTLE READER: Bridal egotism and callousness have been with us for a long time, but there seem to be ever-new variations in expressing it.

To have a private wedding, with or without a delayed celebration, is not objectionable. But the assumption that others are hurt not to be invited to the ceremony is offensive, even in cases where it might be true.

Furthermore, Miss Manners is highly suspicious of a celebration that is so long delayed and so lavish that it requires long-term saving. That certainly suggests that putting on a show, and, no doubt, receiving material rewards, are more of a motivation than sharing the occasion.

You should treat this disagreeable communication as a wedding announcement and need send only congratulations on the marriage.