Annie’s Mailbox: Try to be tolerant; invite difficult uncle

Dear Annie: My 88-year-old uncle is mentally ill. He is paranoid and suffers from extreme anxiety. He has refused mental help for years. His three grown children also have indications of mental illness.

It is difficult to be around “Uncle Joe” because he rants about nonsense and claims that everyone is doing something evil to him. He writes books that make no sense, but expects everyone to read them.

Now that the holidays are approaching, my aunt (his sister) thinks Uncle Joe should be invited to all the family celebrations. But, Annie, he ruins it for everybody. If you don’t listen and agree with him, he becomes quite threatening.

I think it is rather bossy and controlling of my aunt to expect my uncle to be included in every family event. What can I do? – Love My Uncle, But

Dear Friend: Please don’t ostracize Uncle Joe from family gatherings because he is difficult. Try to understand that he is sick and cannot help the way he behaves. Yes, he should be getting professional help and should probably be on medication, but like many mentally ill people, he doesn’t believe he needs either and cannot recognize the toll his behavior takes on the rest of you.

His sister loves him and wants to include him at these family events. Unless he is physically threatening, we are asking you to be tolerant of Uncle Joe and kind to your aunt. These family gatherings don’t happen that often. It doesn’t diminish you to nod politely in agreement with whatever Uncle Joe says and then turn your attention elsewhere. Please try.