The Slice: He’s still full from a bowl full of jelly

Is “Round John Virgin” your favorite misheard Christmas lyric?

Let’s move on.

Fruitcake Department: “I know a lot of people don’t like fruitcake but I happen to love it,” wrote Vicki Heitman. “I make it using my dear mother-in-law’s recipe.”

Here’s her story.

“Last year an organization to which I belong asked for donations for a bake sale. I wrapped two of my fruitcakes nicely and took them to the sale.

“I had just put them on the table and turned to leave when I heard one of the ladies taking donations say to the other, ‘You know, I just might buy one of these for a gag gift.’

“Ouch. I thought it would have been nice if she had waited until I was out of earshot.”

Vicki won’t be taking fruitcakes to the sale this year.

And speaking of fruitcakes, reader Pat Cadagan made me an offer that concluded with “If you dare.”

It seems that a few years ago, when Hostess was about to call it quits, he bought a one-pound Hostess Holiday Fruitcake.

The package is stamped with “Sell By Feb. 2015.”

Pat offered to bring the vintage fruitcake down to the Review Tower and let me open it and taste it, to see if it’s still good.

Hmmm. Maybe that’s a job for another Slice reader. Any volunteers? I can provide the paper plates.

Slice reader Sandy Tarbox wonders: “When was the last time you ducked and covered?”

Sandy and I are about the same age, so I assume she is referring to the ludicrously inadequate nuclear attack classroom-safety protocols.

But what if we redefined “duck and cover” for 2014? What might that expression describe today?

A culinary serving suggestion? Bedroom farce? A peekaboo game played with a smiling infant? Something you do after sampling a well-ripened all-unnatural Hostess Holiday Fruitcake?

Slice answer: In the matter of introducing yourself like an NFL player at the start of a TV game …

“Ken Stout … I am a truck driver … I graduated from the school of Hard Knocks.”

Today’s Slice question: How many people do you know who refer to the Lilac City as “The Can”?