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Miss Manners: Friend’s texts with fiance raise question

Judith Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for one of my friends to text my fiance exclusively with casual conversation? They were not friends prior to our relationship. I’m not asking if it’s wrong considering I do not know the situation, but rather I’d like to know if there are any guidelines that deem it appropriate.

GENTLE READER: Are you asking if it is appropriate for your friend to be friends with your fiance? Or are you asking Miss Manners to tell them to stop it?

If your fiance is texting your friend while you are trying to hold a conversation with him, then guidelines would deem this to be rude. Otherwise, you would do well to be happy that everyone is getting along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a flight attendant for a major airline. As you can imagine, I deal with hundreds of customers each day I am at work. I try to present a polished look, and I feel that after 25 years in the industry, I still have maintained an excellent attitude.

What is really getting me down is when passengers comment on how I look. Nearly every day someone will say to me, “You look tired.”

I do not know how to respond – especially when I am not tired. I do not comment on their looks, so why is it OK for them to comment on mine?

GENTLE READER: Well, it is not, but they mean it to be sympathetic. They are thinking how tired they would be if they had to do your job, and offer this as a way of being sorry they are causing you more work.

But folks, telling people they look tired is really tiresome. Miss Manners begs everyone to cut it out.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,; to her email, dearmissmanners@; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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