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Miss Manners: Future grandbaby worth chilly reception at shower

Judith Martin Universal Uclick

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son’s ex-wife is pregnant with my grandchild. Their separation has been tense, especially with her family blaming my son for the breakup.

I have been invited to her baby shower, where her mother and family will be. I really don’t feel comfortable attending, knowing how the family has treated my son, but the baby’s mother really wants me there.

Should I go and, if not, how do I get out of it without hurting the baby’s mother’s feelings? If I do go, how do I handle the cool reception her family will give me?

GENTLE READER: That the person who will be rearing your grandchild still considers you family is something you want to encourage. Having recommended a cool reception for those who, unlike yourself, have done something wrong, Miss Manners can assure you that, though unpleasant, it is not fatal. And it is nothing compared to being dependent on a judge’s order to see your grandchild.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend returned a wedding RSVP with the “s” on “accepts” crossed out. My feeling is that he was very rude. You should not make what you think is a grammar check on a wedding RSVP. Am I correct?

GENTLE READER: This just shows how silly things can get when hosts attempt to supply the responses to their own invitations. (Miss Manners hates response cards, believing that decent people will provide their own answers, and delinquents will still not respond.)

If you were inviting people singly, “accepts” would be correct; if your friend was responding as a couple, it should be “accept.” Miss Manners’ guess is that it is the opposite, and that therefore you were both wrong.

If not, then your friend was not correcting you; he was simply making his own reply correct, which would be the proper thing to do.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website,; to her email,
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