Annie’s Mailbox: Children’s needs dictate family life

Dear Annie: You’ve printed letters about grandchildren sleeping with the grandparents. What do you think about a 7-year-old boy who sleeps with his mother in her queen-sized bed, displacing his father? Dad sleeps in his daughter’s room (in twin beds).

This young boy is very strong-willed, as is his mother. She’s quite proud of this trait. I know my son, the father, is not happy with this arrangement, but he says no one will get any rest if they make the boy sleep in his own room. This has been going on since the child was born.

I think my son is depressed and unhappy, but lets the situation continue for many reasons, one of which is that his wife supports the family. My son works part time now because his wife demanded that he be available to take the kids to school and pick them up in the middle of the afternoon. So he hasn’t worked full time for three years.

Their lives are dictated by what the kids want or need, and everybody else comes in a distant second. The mother is the dominant personality in the family, and whatever she says goes.

My son says this arrangement must go on until both kids are in middle school. By then, my son will be 41 years old, and I worry that he won’t be able to find full-time employment. I have suggested counseling and offered to pay for it, but he says he has already tried that and it didn’t do any good. Can you give me some advice? – Worried Grandmother

Dear Worried: We know you are concerned about your son, but which parent stays home is between him and his wife. Nonetheless, if he is unhappy, please urge him to seek counseling. He can do it with or without his wife. He also should talk to the children’s pediatrician about the sleeping arrangements and ask for assistance in getting his wife to recognize that she is doing a great disservice to those children.