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The Slice: Seeking advice on cross-country skiing

I’ve been considering getting back into cross-country skiing, and I have questions.

Here’s hoping Slice readers have answers. Let’s get right to it.

How much should I expect to pay for halfway decent skis?

Will I be required to change my name to something that sounds Scandinavian? Any suggestions?

When I owned a seldom used pair of new cross-country skis in the 1970s, I needed something like a dozen different waxes – not to mention tar and a blow-torch. I never really knew what I was doing. Has it gotten simpler?

Is there après-ski in the cross-country world?

Where is the best place to ski in the Spokane area?

Is it true that if you are not sweating like a draft horse you aren’t doing it right?

Do you have to buy special togs?

Is cross-country skiing an activity that relentlessly mocks those who are not whippet thin?

What is the most common injury?

If you find yourself listening to a bird and admiring snow-flocked boughs, does it mean you are lost in the woods?

Do cross-country skiers take “natural breaks” like bike racers?

How long does it typically take to go from total novice to not embarrassingly bad?

What do wildlife think of cross-country skiers?

You know how cross-country skiers in the Olympics collapse after the finish? Never mind.

What pre-winter training can one do to help prepare?

Are you required to carry a rifle?

What’s the easiest way to spot a X-country snob?

Can one learn about going uphill without sustaining a groin injury for the holidays?

When following a member of the opposite sex on a trail, is there any way to avoid staring at that person’s butt for 40 minutes?

Is there a secret handshake?

Do skiers experience post-session euphoria?

Are you required to congratulate yourself and other skiers for not being home on the couch?

Can a beginner reach a point fairly soon where he or she reaps workout benefits or does that require technical proficiency?

Colder the better, right?

Today’s Slice question: What changed your mind about cats?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. If you refuse to get a flu shot, I don’t want you working at a health-care facility members of my family might visit.

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