Doug Clark: Condon will be a better-paid one-term mayor

OK. Let’s pretend for a moment that you are a Spokane mayor planning on a second term.

(Guffaws. Chortles. Giggles …)

No. No. Really. Let’s get serious here.

Sure, I realize that Spokane hasn’t had a two-term mayor since you could trade furs for dry goods at The Crescent department store.

The Curse of the One Term Mayor is one of Spokane’s most endearing, I mean enduring, traditions.

It makes us special.

But suspend your disbelief a moment and I’ll start over again.

Say you’re the Spokane mayor – all right?

And you’re hoping for a second term.

(Titters.)

Stop it, now.

What I’m trying to say is that there are pivotal issues that come up in every mayor’s term that, depending on how he or she reacts, will pretty much determine those re-election chances.

Take Mayor Vicki McNeill, Spokane’s first female mayor.

Her endorsement of the controversial Wasted Energy Plant generated so much heat that she decided to not even try for second term.

Mayor John Powers? Knocked off in the primary.

Think about that. A sitting mayor who couldn’t get past the primary, for crying out loud!

Powers was the only candidate to skip my special bowling event for mayoral hopefuls.

Do the math.

Now comes current Mayor David Condon, who faced just such a pivotal moment the other day when news broke about how his budget proposal would give him a whale of a pay raise.

An extra seven-thousand smackers will bump his yearly haul to $179,484.

Or 2 million Condon Coins – his choice.

Either way, in the eyes of the average Spokane working stiff that’s like enough to finish the north-south freeway.

So how did the mayor react?

I quote:

“My salary is determined by the city charter, in which I have no involvement,” Condon said.

Oh, David, David, David.

That’s about the worst thing you could’ve said. Nobody likes a weenie who passes the buck, even if it is true.

But then Condon compounded his error by adding …

“Spokane taxpayers deserve a mayor who works tirelessly for them and that’s what I intend to continue doing.”

Oh, my.

See, this is the sort of defensive posturing that voters remember.

If there’s one thing we Spokanites are good at, it’s holding a grudge.

That’s another endearing tradition.

Sensing weakness, the jackals are already pouncing on the mayoral carcass.

Flanked by City Council members, Council President Ben Stuckart held a Friday morning press conference to say that he couldn’t “in good conscience” vote for Mayor Condon’s budget that gives raises to most of his Cabinet members.

Har! Don’t you just love it when politicians talk about their good conscience?

As if they actually had one.

Anyway, this is still the sort of partisan armpit noise that can doom a mayor to One Term Land.

Later on Friday, Condon tried to defuse the attacks by holding his own presser in which he tried to point out all the good things he’s done, like keeping poo out of the river.

He also accused his critics of being political. Duh.

Condon has even offered to give his $7,000 raise to charity, but that’s not going to work this time.

Mary Verner, our last mayor, made a similar magnanimous gesture. But then she tried to get the money back after getting creamed by Condon.

Unfortunately, time travel is still a few years away. If we only had it now, Mayor Condon would go back and recast his aforementioned original statement.

Going on the offensive would be a smart play.

As in …

“Dang straight I’m getting a raise. And you know what? I deserve everrry penny. You have no idea what a mayor of Spokane has to go through day after day after day.

“Having a mayor who makes more than the governor is something we can alllll be proud of.

“And do I hear an AMEN?”

Don’t laugh. This sort of crap has worked for every TV evangelist huckster since Oral Roberts.

Or you know what? If Condon really wanted that next term he could always say …

“On second thought, the salaries for me and for most of my Cabinet members are getting completely out of touch with reality.

“The truth is that we’re simply not worth this much, especially when we can’t even fix the damn streets.

“Until we can get the job done, I say that we need to do whatever it takes to cap the salaries of all city officials at a reasonable and lower level that is in keeping with the average wages of the Spokane workforce!”

Yeah, like that’s ever gonna happen.