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Opinion >  Column

The Slice: The candy will hit the spot all the more

When I was a kid in the 1960s, there was a dad on our block who would trick-or-treat with an empty shot glass.

My father would pour him a half jigger of Old Crow or Canadian Club. At least that’s what I remember hearing. I’m pretty sure I was out with the children of the night when Mr. Ellsworth showed up on our porch on Halloween.

Well, I’m thinking of updating his routine.

So if I appear on your doorstep tonight with a cigarette lighter in hand, don’t be alarmed. I’m not planning any tricks. It just means I am ready to accept a marijuana joint as my Halloween treat.

Thanks in advance for coming across with the weed.

To be on the safe side, I’ll probably stick to the Washington side of the Evergreen State/Gem State border. And if there are kids on the porch at the same time, I will not pass it around.

So don’t worry. There won’t be any unpleasant scenes along the lines of “Yo, little Darth Vader, you’re bogarting my treat, dude.”

OK, I realize that not every family has pot on hand. So I don’t expect to be toking up at every single house.

Moreover, it’s probably worth noting that I don’t own a lighter and have not partaken of cannabis in a long time.

How long? People were still playing Yes albums. I’ll be the roundabout …

But I feel like I want to fight for trick or treat. If reactionary groups are going to send kids out to collect canned food on Halloween in an attempt to reform the occasion, why can’t I pull in the opposite direction?

No, I don’t want trick or treat to turn into a Cheech and Chong bit. I just want its opponents to mind their own business.

So if I show up on your porch and you don’t happen to have any pot on hand, don’t worry.

A Snickers bar would be just fine.

Today’s slice question: What would you think about declaring a Halloween Arachnid Amnesty and not killing any indoor spiders today?

An incredibly small percentage of them pose any danger to us. And maybe, in the spirit of the occasion today, we could give them a 24-hour pass.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. I’m willing to bet that most people around here have never been on a hayride.

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