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Doug Clark: Potties’ pot levels shouldn’t be a city priority

I never bought that old argument about marijuana being a gateway to harder drugs.

I thought it was just a scare tactic. Until now, that is.

The brainiacs who want to test the Spokane loo-stream for THC levels must be huffing heroin or mainlining airplane glue.

Let me make something perfectly clear.

I don’t smoke marijuana. Nor do I condone use of the sticky or, for that matter, even the icky.

That said, I’m also a strong believer in a citizen’s constitutional right to commode confidentiality.

Or to put into legal parlance:

What goes into your pot should stay in your pot even if it contains traces of pot.

Yet there it was, on Wednesday’s front page in black and white.

“City may measure pot levels in sewage,” stated the headline.

The article went on to explain how sewage can be collected and then frozen for analysis that would provide general information on marijuana usage.

Isn’t that just like government?

First the voters legalize it. Now the bureaucrats want to scrutinize it.

Just who would handle these frozen poo-sickles probably hasn’t been determined. But if enthusiasm counts for anything, Jon Snyder gets my support as the guy best suited to plumb our dark, dank depths.

“What an awesome new use for our sewage,” exclaimed the councilman in the story.

Plus we could call him “Dr. Strangeglove.” Snyder was one of a number of officials who attended the City Council’s Marijuana Policy Subcommittee meeting on Tuesday.

We have a Marijuana Policy Subcommittee?

Who knew?

Anyway, the story didn’t mention if any dope was smoked during the meeting. Then it dawned on me that – duh – City Hall hasn’t allowed smoking since back when Joe Shogan blew his stack all the time.

What ticks me off is how shortsighted public officials always are.

Testing the sewage for Spocannabis isn’t worth the time, energy or hip waders.

We should be more concerned about our pothole numbers rather than how many potheads we have

If officials want to get an idea about Spokane drug use all they have to do is buy a newspaper subscription. They’d quickly see that at least half the town’s STONED!!

The signs are everywhere, including this highly disturbing headline that appeared in Tuesday’s Spokesman-Review:

“Man trying to pet bull moose arrested in officer struggle.”

According to the story, “A 33-year-old Spokane man was arrested on drug charges after a failed attempt to pet a bull moose wandering around a cemetery on Sunday.”

Now I realize that every person is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. This would-be moose whisperer may be as pure as bottled water. But from my own Toyota-wrecking experience, heavy sedation should be a prerequisite for getting up close and personal with Bullwinkle.

Come to think of it, the desire to pet a moose could be a terrific field sobriety test.

COP – “Sorry to pull you over, but I followed you for over a mile and observed that you were driving quite erratically.”

DRIVER – “Whoa. Sorry, dude.”

COP – “Dude, huh? Have you been smoking marijuana?”

DRIVER – “No way, officer dude.”

COP – “Would you like to pet a moose?”

DRIVER – “Duuuude. Absolutely!”

COP – “Step out of the car, pal. You’re under arrest.”

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or by email at dougc@spokesman.com.